Cinemibus: Episode 5, "Enchanted" and the Case for the Musical

Cinemibus: Episode 5, "Enchanted" and the Case for the Musical from Cinemibus on Vimeo.

I don't usually post my Cinemibus videos on this blog anymore, but this one is musical-related, so there.

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Limerick Video Review: Cinderella

Limerick Review: Cinderella

So, Disney takes another shot

At untying a fairy-tale knot.

And whatever they've done,

We've all seen the old one,

So I won't waste your time with the plot.

The source loyalty's not dogmatic,

And though the key bits remain static,

With Chris Weitz as writer,

The story is tighter

And markedly less problematic.

So a lot of the flaws we recall

Become an issue to forestall,

Like, early en route,

The couple meet cute

To make sure they've met before the ball.

Sure, these aren't dramatic right hooks,

But scenes like this improve on the books.

And it has to appear

So it's passably clear

That he likes her for more than her looks.

Bonham Carter's godmother's pace

Eschews the traditional grace.

And I rather suspect

That her kooky affect

Will, for some, feel a bit out of place.

Frequently, jokes will pass by,

But each dip for laughs comes up dry,

And that gets cemented,

For each joke's augmented

With somewhat slapdash CGI.

The lame jokes do make me frustrated,

And tempt me to simply berate it.

And I guess if it's strewn

With unfunny cartoons,

You may just as well animate it.

But then sometimes it does come through,

And does something lovely or new,

Like one scene that comes late,

When Stepmother narrates

The whole story from her point of view.

Or when Ella, for all of her toil,

Is quickly taken for a royal,

And takes the dance floor

To an exquisite score

By Branagh's cohort, Patrick Doyle.

In fact, that tends more to disarm

Than scenes taking place on the farm,

It's rarely saluted,

But Branagh's better-suited

For royal courts than rustic charm.

It can get bogged down in joke-making,

But there should be zero mistaking:

When it is bad,

It might dwindle a tad,

But when it's good, it's just breathtaking.

Dreamworks' Lament - The Dreamworks/Pixar Song

Line Order Part 1, or One of The Innumerable Reasons Why "High School Musical" is Terrible

            We’ve all been there; you’ve thought of a brilliant little line that works perfectly with your rhythmic scheme. The only problem is that the final word of the line has almost no perfect rhymes. As we must take perfect rhymes as a ground rule (I will talk more about this in the future), damage control is now the main priority. Say you manage to put together a workable but by no means particularly good line out of one of the two or three rhymes for your problem word. You now have two lyrical lines, one of them getting along swimmingly, the other still floating but otherwise dead in the water (like an overextended metaphor). This is what I mean by damage control: we must find a way to reduce emphasis on the lame line.

            There are plenty of musical ways to do this. If you construct your melody carefully, you can imperceptibly but very effectively move the emphasis away from a particular word or syllable, but there is a much simpler and much more effective way of achieving this effect: simply place the lame line first. The central problem is that you are saddled with accommodating your good line. The greatest lyrical emphasis always falls on the last line of the verse, and so that is the place where you must deposit your clever line so as to avoid the (admittedly correct) impression that you are accommodating it.

            A terrific example of how not to do this comes from my old enemy, High School Musical. In the closing number, insufferably titled “We’re All In This Together,” we are forced to swallow the lines “Together, together, together everyone/Together, together, come on let’s have some fun.” We will leave alone for the moment the imbecilic redundancy of the “together” portion of the lyric, favoring instead the rhymes “everyone” and “fun.” The word “fun,” in general, is a word that should be used in lyrics seldom, if ever. I am hard-pressed to think of a lyric sporting that word that is not diminished by its presence. “Everyone” is the better rhyme by far. It is multi-syllabic (always good for a second rhyme), its natural rhythms match those of the music reasonably well. Though the song itself is beyond salvation, think of how much better that verse would be, were the lyrics “Together, together, c’mon, let’s have some fun/Together, together, together everyone.” Still not good, perhaps—there is little to be gained in dressing the wounds of a corpse—but still markedly better.

Next time: A positive example, courtesy of Mr. Billy Joel.

Concept, or My What A Guy That Gaston

            I’ve heard all too many musical numbers that were very obviously written for no better reason than that someone must have said, “we’d better put a musical number here.” If ever you find yourself doing this, stop immediately and think long and hard about concept, which I assert is the single most important element in a good song lyric.

            I will illustrate the importance of concept through a pair of examples from animated musicals. To give you a spot of background, during the late 80’s and early 90’s the musical fueled a remarkable resurgence in Disney’s economic and artistic fortunes. Beginning with The Little Mermaid, Disney churned out a series of masterful and hugely profitable films. Inevitably, this success spawned a host of imitators. Some of these were remarkably good, like 20^th Century Fox’s Anastasia. But for every Anastasia, there was a turkey like Rock-a-Doodle, and for every Rock-a-Doodle there was a merely mediocre film like The Swan Princess. It is this last film that I am interested in, as I wish to concern myself here not with sheer incompetence but with a lack of inspiration.

            For our example let’s look at the respective villain songs from The Swan Princess and Beauty and the Beast. At this point, you are probably not thinking, “oh, I can clearly see the distinction between the two songs.” More likely you are thinking, “what the hell is The Swan Princess?” or, at best, “what the hell was the villain song from The Swan Princess?”

            I shall enlighten you. The villain song from The Swan Princess is a jazz number called “No More Mr. Nice Guy,” a song in which the evil wizard Rothbart indicates the general malevolence of his intentions. You think I’m being glib, but no. That is literally all the song is about.

Gosh, it's such a hoot to see them quaking
When I'm king they'll treat me with respect
I can't wait to watch their poor hearts breaking
So much for politically correct
Up 'til now I've pulled my punches
I intend to eat their lunches
No more Mr. Nice Guy, not for me
If you think that I'm hard-hearted
Well, let me by, I haven't even started
No more Mr. Nice Guy, no siree
Soon as my witchcraft has zinged them
I'll gain control of the kingdom
As for Odette, well that's tragic
'Cause I'm going back to that old black magic
Good behaviour is so much duller
Time to show my one true colour
Baby, Mr. Nice Guy's history
Vengeance is what I believe in
I don't get mad, I get even
Odette can't get to the ball 'cause I won't bring her
So I'll zap up a date who's a real dead ringer
Up to no good, I love plottin'
'Cause I'm so good when I'm rotten
No more Mr. Nice Guy, wait and see (wait and see)
I'll become that nasty, naughty, very spiteful
Wicked, wayward, way delightful
Bad guy I was born to be
Lying, loathsame, never tender
Indiscreet repeat offender
No more Mr. Nice Guy, that's not me

There is close to no mention of his actual plan, no idiosyncracies that might distinguish him from other villains, and no indication that the lyricist had any substantial idea as to why the song existed at all. In short, there is a reason why you’d forgotten it existed.

Compare this to the universally beloved and instantly recognizable “Gaston” from Beauty and the Beast.

Gosh it disturbs me to see you, Gaston
Looking so down in the dumps
Ev'ry guy here'd love to be you, Gaston
Even when taking your lumps
There's no man in town as admired as you
You're ev'ryone's favorite guy
Ev'ryone's awed and inspired by you
And it's not very hard to see why
No one's slick as Gaston
No one's quick as Gaston
No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston's
For there's no man in town half as manly
Perfect, a pure paragon!
You can ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley
And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on
No one's been like Gaston
A king pin like Gaston
No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Gaston
As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating!
My what a guy, that Gaston!
Give five "hurrahs!"
Give twelve "hip-hips!"
Gaston is the best
And the rest is all drips
No one fights like Gaston
Douses lights like Gaston
In a wrestling match nobody bites like Gaston!
For there's no one as burly and brawny
As you see I've got biceps to spare
Not a bit of him's scraggly or scrawny
That's right!
And ev'ry last inch of me's covered with hair
No one hits like Gaston
Matches wits like Gaston
In a spitting match nobody spits like Gaston
I'm especially good at expectorating!
Ptoooie!
Ten points for Gaston!
When I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs
Ev'ry morning to help me get large
And now that I'm grown I eat five dozen eggs
So I'm roughly the size of a barge!
My what a guy, that Gaston!
No one shoots like Gaston
Makes those beauts like Gaston
Then goes tromping around wearing boots like Gaston
I use antlers in all of my decorating!
My what a guy,
Gaston!

Rothbart’s song is merely a villain song, which is a category and not a concept.“Gaston,” on the other hand, is a grand, chauvinistic hymn of self-praise. In other words, it has a concept. Why do I make such a big fuss about this? Because the lyrics to “No More Mr. Nice Guy” are not that bad. They’re nothing special, certainly, but they’re not that bad either. So why is it not a good song? Concept, concept, concept. Even strong lyrics will falter if used in service of a song with an identity crisis, just as even imperfect lyrics can still be bound together by a terrific concept to form an irrefutably great song like “Gaston.”

Concept, concept, concept.