Hit Song Limericks, Week of 3/14/15

1. Uptown Funk by Mark Ronson feat. Bruno Mars

As rare as the old Golden Fleece
Is a hit whose appeal will increase.
And though not every line
Is one we should enshrine,
The song is a straight masterpiece.


2. Thinking Out Loud by Ed Sheeran



It's one thing if a music star
Makes a hit that's bad and yet bizarre.
But I'll lose my shit
If I hear one more hit
With a dude and his goddamned guitar.


3. Sugar by Maroon 5


I trotted out this one to flout it,
But if I had more to say, I would spout it.
All of that's null.
The song is just dull,
And there's no more to be said about it.


4. Love Me Like You Do by Ellie Goulding


The song's meant to have some allure,
But becomes just a chore to endure,
Though lodged in the sound
They seem to have found
The perfect insomnia cure.


5. FourFiveSeconds by Rihanna & Kanye West & Paul McCartney


Although the song is oddly brief
In its working class angst and relief,
The nice, laid-back chorus
A Beatle made for us
Serves as a pleasant aperitif.


6. Take Me To Church by Hozier


As gloomy as a British fen,
An ironic chorus of amen,
And its lack of cheers
Sets it out from its peers,
So I'm glad it's still in the top ten.


7. Style by Taylor Swift


The song has a charm I'll ascribe
To its driving pseudo-80s vibe.
A pleasant low synth
Puts it up on its plinth,
And makes me happy to imbibe.


8. Blank Space by Taylor Swift



Blank Space is still pleasantly bleak,
With a certain psycho-ex chic,
But loses its heat
In the dull-as-mud beat
That ends up being where it's weak.


9. Earned It (Fifty Shades of Grey) by The Weeknd



Earned It tries to simmer and steam,
But is lacking the requisite gleam.
Though it might be lacking,
The orchestral backing
Does make it sound like a Bond theme.


10. Time Of Our Lives by Pitbull and Ne-Yo



Pitbull has just not got the stuff
To sound either clever or tough.
But though it doesn't stun,
The beat is well done
And the sentiment's pleasant enough.

Hit Song Limericks, Week of 2/14/15

#1 - Uptown Funk by Mark Ronson ft. Bruno Mars


As far as can be from a botch,
Bruno's belt now has a new notch.
The haters can hate,
This song is just great.
You don't believe me? Just watch.

#2 - Thinking Out Loud by Ed Sheeran



He'd improved his musical scoring
Until his songs left spirits soaring.
With all that at hand,
I just don't understand
Why he would want to be this boring.

#3 - Take Me To Church by Hozier



Though for some it might be a yawn,
Any track that sounds like Elton John,
Is sonically rich
And makes shout-outs to Hitch
Will have me not just going, but gone.

#4 - Blank Space by Taylor Swift



The beat isn't sweet to the ears,
But it shows her own foibles and fears.
It isn't upbeat,
Or made for dancing feet,
But it might be her best song in years.

#5 - Sugar by Maroon 5
 

So, Maroon 5's latest endeavor
Turned out neither catchy nor clever.
Neither Adam Levine,
Nor his obnoxious whine
Hold any appeal whatsoever.

#6 - Lips Are Movin by Meghan Trainor



A song that's retro 50s slick,
With more rapping from a white chick.
Well, to be direct,
One must start to suspect
That this pony knows only one trick.

#7 - I'm Not The Only One by Sam Smith



Some retro soul stylings run through it,
But no pizzazz comes to renew it.
And with the reprise,
You come to realize
There really is not much else to it.

#8 - Jealous by Nick Jonas
 

From bright-eyed Disney Channel blusher
To wannabe R&B gusher,
It does start to cloy
To hear some white boy
Trying quite so hard to be Usher.

#9 - Blank Space by Taylor Swift


A few lightyears from self-aware,
TSwift trashes haters with flair,
And it's entertaining
Just how hard she's straining
To convince us that she doesn't care.

#10 - Centuries by Fall Out Boy
 

Though they're far above merely moronic,
Fall Out Boy's problems seem to be chronic.
Here they try to expand
The range of the band,
But it's overblown and histrionic.