Hit Song Limericks, Week of 5/9/15

1. See You Again by Wiz Khalifa feat. Charlie Puth

Wiz never was good at grooving,
And though he showed signs of improving,
I wasn't prepared
To realize there'd
Be a Wiz song that's actually moving.

2. Uptown Funk! by Mark Ronson feat. Bruno Mars

What more really need be said?
Is this ground that I need to retread?
Uptown Funk is great,
And I appreciate
That even now, it stays ahead.

3. Trap Queen by Fetty Wap

When on the charts this first appeared,
It had too many flaws to be cheered,
But I have to embrace
That the charts still have space
For something just this goddamn weird.

4. Earned It (Fifty Shades of Grey) by The Weeknd

So all of that sweet movie money
Makes something less melting than runny.
And I'd lay it low,
If that darn video
Weren't so unwittingly funny.

5. Sugar by Maroon 5

It's still the same song it was then
From the world's douchiest men.
But now Derulo's got
The same song, come to naught.
So why do we need this again?

6. Love Me Like You Do by Ellie Goulding

Once, Goulding was worthy of praise,
And her EDM would amaze.
But I can't recommend
This latest, dull blend.
Remember "Lights?" Those were good days...

7. Shut Up And Dance by WALK THE MOON

This looked annoying, at a glance,
With MPDGs and romance,
But in spite of my doubt,
Somehow it works out,
And really makes me want to dance.

8. Thinking Out Loud by Ed Sheeran

Last year, Ed Sheeran would wow,
And stood, tall and proud, at the prow.
And yet he wants to prove
He can still lose the groove.
You can stop being so boring now.

9. G.D.F.R. by Flo Rida feat. Sage the Gemini & Lookas

Flo Rida's work's never been strong,
So I won't linger on this too long.
Not one to believe in,
Turns out it's not even
That good as a Flo Rida song.

10. Want to Want Me by Jason Derulo

I thought Derulo took a dive,
But with this song, he's still alive.
I'll put this concisely:
The song sounds precisely
Like "Sugar" by Maroon 5

Hit Song Limericks, Week of 3/14/15

1. Uptown Funk by Mark Ronson feat. Bruno Mars

As rare as the old Golden Fleece
Is a hit whose appeal will increase.
And though not every line
Is one we should enshrine,
The song is a straight masterpiece.


2. Thinking Out Loud by Ed Sheeran



It's one thing if a music star
Makes a hit that's bad and yet bizarre.
But I'll lose my shit
If I hear one more hit
With a dude and his goddamned guitar.


3. Sugar by Maroon 5


I trotted out this one to flout it,
But if I had more to say, I would spout it.
All of that's null.
The song is just dull,
And there's no more to be said about it.


4. Love Me Like You Do by Ellie Goulding


The song's meant to have some allure,
But becomes just a chore to endure,
Though lodged in the sound
They seem to have found
The perfect insomnia cure.


5. FourFiveSeconds by Rihanna & Kanye West & Paul McCartney


Although the song is oddly brief
In its working class angst and relief,
The nice, laid-back chorus
A Beatle made for us
Serves as a pleasant aperitif.


6. Take Me To Church by Hozier


As gloomy as a British fen,
An ironic chorus of amen,
And its lack of cheers
Sets it out from its peers,
So I'm glad it's still in the top ten.


7. Style by Taylor Swift


The song has a charm I'll ascribe
To its driving pseudo-80s vibe.
A pleasant low synth
Puts it up on its plinth,
And makes me happy to imbibe.


8. Blank Space by Taylor Swift



Blank Space is still pleasantly bleak,
With a certain psycho-ex chic,
But loses its heat
In the dull-as-mud beat
That ends up being where it's weak.


9. Earned It (Fifty Shades of Grey) by The Weeknd



Earned It tries to simmer and steam,
But is lacking the requisite gleam.
Though it might be lacking,
The orchestral backing
Does make it sound like a Bond theme.


10. Time Of Our Lives by Pitbull and Ne-Yo



Pitbull has just not got the stuff
To sound either clever or tough.
But though it doesn't stun,
The beat is well done
And the sentiment's pleasant enough.