Hit Song Limericks, Week of 7/11/15

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1. See You Again by Wiz Khalifa feat. Charlie Puth

While I no longer find this one fun,
I'm glad that it's had a good run.
It's sweet and it's mild,
And behind "Young & Wild,"
It's the best thing Wiz has ever done.

2. Bad Blood by Taylor Swift feat. Kendrick Lamar

T. Swift is fine, as a rule,
But this is the dregs of that pool.
I think you can tell
It wouldn't do as well
If the video weren't so cool.

3. Cheerleader by OMI

It's a slightly clumsy metaphor,
But there's so much that I still adore.
With no beats to thump it,
Just a roving trumpet
To keep the thing sweet at its core.

4. Trap Queen by Fetty Wap

Fetty has much cause to rejoice,
As the people's unanimous choice.
Not bad for a guy
With weird tones and one eye
Who sings in Kevin Rowland's voice.

5. Shut Up And Dance by WALK THE MOON


Before, this song's jubilant shout
Would outweigh my niggling doubt,
But since many a day
Of intense overplay,
Its welcome is getting worn out.

6. Can't Feel My Face by The Weeknd


His last had orchestral pretense,
Of which this is glad to dispense.
Which can work a treat,
Though the central conceit
Just doesn't make a lick of damn sense.

7. Watch Me by Silento


There's nothing especially wrong,
And yet any listen's too long.
It's just a big blend
Of prior dance trends,
And, as such, is just barely a song.

8. Uptown Funk! by Mark Ronson feat. Bruno Mars

Next time I do this, it'll be gone,
But I'm very glad that it held on.
The cream rarely rises,
When someone devises
A track that's this carefully drawn.

9. Good For You by Selena Gomez


This song is what you would engender
Mixing Goulding and Lorde in a blender.
Too bland for romancing.
Too quiet for dancing,
Too overproduced to be tender.

10. Hey Mama by David Guetta feat. Nicki Minaj, Bebe Rexha, & Afrojack

It's hardly a new record-setta',
But it's still churlish to expect betta'.
Its Caribbean beat's
Such a genuine treat,
I can scarcely believe that it's Guetta.

Hit Song Limericks, Week of 5/9/15

1. See You Again by Wiz Khalifa feat. Charlie Puth

Wiz never was good at grooving,
And though he showed signs of improving,
I wasn't prepared
To realize there'd
Be a Wiz song that's actually moving.

2. Uptown Funk! by Mark Ronson feat. Bruno Mars

What more really need be said?
Is this ground that I need to retread?
Uptown Funk is great,
And I appreciate
That even now, it stays ahead.

3. Trap Queen by Fetty Wap

When on the charts this first appeared,
It had too many flaws to be cheered,
But I have to embrace
That the charts still have space
For something just this goddamn weird.

4. Earned It (Fifty Shades of Grey) by The Weeknd

So all of that sweet movie money
Makes something less melting than runny.
And I'd lay it low,
If that darn video
Weren't so unwittingly funny.

5. Sugar by Maroon 5

It's still the same song it was then
From the world's douchiest men.
But now Derulo's got
The same song, come to naught.
So why do we need this again?

6. Love Me Like You Do by Ellie Goulding

Once, Goulding was worthy of praise,
And her EDM would amaze.
But I can't recommend
This latest, dull blend.
Remember "Lights?" Those were good days...

7. Shut Up And Dance by WALK THE MOON

This looked annoying, at a glance,
With MPDGs and romance,
But in spite of my doubt,
Somehow it works out,
And really makes me want to dance.

8. Thinking Out Loud by Ed Sheeran

Last year, Ed Sheeran would wow,
And stood, tall and proud, at the prow.
And yet he wants to prove
He can still lose the groove.
You can stop being so boring now.

9. G.D.F.R. by Flo Rida feat. Sage the Gemini & Lookas

Flo Rida's work's never been strong,
So I won't linger on this too long.
Not one to believe in,
Turns out it's not even
That good as a Flo Rida song.

10. Want to Want Me by Jason Derulo

I thought Derulo took a dive,
But with this song, he's still alive.
I'll put this concisely:
The song sounds precisely
Like "Sugar" by Maroon 5

Pop Song Limericks 8/17/2012

Some poetry this week, a series of limericks about the current top ten songs on the Billboard Hot 100. Why? Who knows...

1. Whistle by Flo Rida

As subtle as sci-fi Jane Fonda,

Flo’s song has still proved a golconda.

And although it’s not earned,

It’s still nice that he’s learned

The art of the single entendre.

2. Lights by Ellie Goulding

A song without deafening drumming,

But that still leaves the listener humming?

Oh, never before

Has this yank been more

Glad to say, “the British are coming!”

3. Call Me Maybe by Carly Rae Jepsen

It’s had more than its share of success,

And yet stays in the charts nonetheless.

But you’ll find nothing’s there

But a wisp of hot air,

It seems we’re not hard to impress.

4. Wide Awake by Katy Perry

Though once she had hits in her hat,

These days it just tends to fall flat.

You could bear the buffoon

With a hummable tune,

Now she doesn’t even have that.

5. Payphone by Maroon 5 ft. Wiz Khalifa

Now, “Payphone,” inept as it is,

Has more whining than all of Les Mis,

And it all goes to pot

When we reach the guest spot,

An incongruous rap verse from Wiz.

6. Somebody That I Used To Know by Gotye ft. Kimbra

In springtime it won all our hearts

With its mix of emotion and smarts.

It got played too much,

But it’s still great, as such

I’m happy it stays in the charts

7. Titanium by David Guetta ft. Sia

With music so thoroughly canned,

No surprise that it’s by Guetta’s hand.

But I’ll say this for it:

It’s been months since a hit

Has been quite so terribly bland.

8. Some Nights by fun.

Some thought fun.’s first hit was a gem,

But it was less flower than stem.

“Some Nights” is well-sung,

But unlike “We Are Young,”

This one sounds much more like them.

9. Home by Phillip Phillips

Now it’s been used as a theme

For the U.S.A. gymnastics team.

So the song’s won the day,

But the huge overplay

May dash Phillips’ Olympic dream.

10. Where Have You Been by Rihanna

Though in the past she’s been admired,

This hit leaves much to be desired.

Thing is, it’s no fun,

And you ask what they’ve done

To make her sound so uninspired.