All Songs Are Equal, But Some Songs Are More Equal Than Others

Starting a week after I wrote my pop hit limericks, the charts shifted dramatically. Most notably, "Somebody That I Used To Know" by Gotye finally fell out of the top ten after several months of consistently felicitous placement and Taylor Swift's "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together" hit number one. As for the latter, how is it as a song? Eh, it's okay. Taylor Swift is hardly maturing out of her blindered teenage girl persona, but I never had any serious expectation that she would, and this song is basically just "Stronger" by Kelly Clarkson but a little bit better.
However, I am inclined to be more charitable than usual toward it--anything that ousted Flo Rida's somewhat catchy but achingly stupid "Whistle" from the top slot was always going to start off in my good books. Far more interesting than the song itself is the fact that it debuted at #1. "Lights," "Some Nights," even "Call Me Maybe" had to claw their way up the charts to reach the top ten. Hell, even "Whistle" bided its time just outside of the top ten for weeks on end before finally breaking through.
This much, however, is obvious. Of course songs by more established artists will have less difficulty climbing the charts than those by relative nobodies. The fairness of this will inevitably vary from artist to artist, as some artists are well-established for a very good reason. But the flaws in the system manifest themselves in artists like Katy Perry, who suffered a drastic drop-off in quality and yet seemingly get a free top ten pass to this day.
And then there are aberrations like LMFAO, who have one decent hit in them ("Party Rock Anthem"), and consequently get a free pass for their next song, no matter how execrable ("Sexy and I Know It").
Is there a point to this? Not really. It isn't fair, true, but no one ever said it had to be. The charts, like the universe, are indifferent to notions of pleasure and happiness. They just do what they do.

Pop Song Limericks 8/17/2012

Some poetry this week, a series of limericks about the current top ten songs on the Billboard Hot 100. Why? Who knows...

1. Whistle by Flo Rida

As subtle as sci-fi Jane Fonda,

Flo’s song has still proved a golconda.

And although it’s not earned,

It’s still nice that he’s learned

The art of the single entendre.

2. Lights by Ellie Goulding

A song without deafening drumming,

But that still leaves the listener humming?

Oh, never before

Has this yank been more

Glad to say, “the British are coming!”

3. Call Me Maybe by Carly Rae Jepsen

It’s had more than its share of success,

And yet stays in the charts nonetheless.

But you’ll find nothing’s there

But a wisp of hot air,

It seems we’re not hard to impress.

4. Wide Awake by Katy Perry

Though once she had hits in her hat,

These days it just tends to fall flat.

You could bear the buffoon

With a hummable tune,

Now she doesn’t even have that.

5. Payphone by Maroon 5 ft. Wiz Khalifa

Now, “Payphone,” inept as it is,

Has more whining than all of Les Mis,

And it all goes to pot

When we reach the guest spot,

An incongruous rap verse from Wiz.

6. Somebody That I Used To Know by Gotye ft. Kimbra

In springtime it won all our hearts

With its mix of emotion and smarts.

It got played too much,

But it’s still great, as such

I’m happy it stays in the charts

7. Titanium by David Guetta ft. Sia

With music so thoroughly canned,

No surprise that it’s by Guetta’s hand.

But I’ll say this for it:

It’s been months since a hit

Has been quite so terribly bland.

8. Some Nights by fun.

Some thought fun.’s first hit was a gem,

But it was less flower than stem.

“Some Nights” is well-sung,

But unlike “We Are Young,”

This one sounds much more like them.

9. Home by Phillip Phillips

Now it’s been used as a theme

For the U.S.A. gymnastics team.

So the song’s won the day,

But the huge overplay

May dash Phillips’ Olympic dream.

10. Where Have You Been by Rihanna

Though in the past she’s been admired,

This hit leaves much to be desired.

Thing is, it’s no fun,

And you ask what they’ve done

To make her sound so uninspired.