Hit Song Limericks, Week of 5/9/15

1. See You Again by Wiz Khalifa feat. Charlie Puth

Wiz never was good at grooving,
And though he showed signs of improving,
I wasn't prepared
To realize there'd
Be a Wiz song that's actually moving.

2. Uptown Funk! by Mark Ronson feat. Bruno Mars

What more really need be said?
Is this ground that I need to retread?
Uptown Funk is great,
And I appreciate
That even now, it stays ahead.

3. Trap Queen by Fetty Wap

When on the charts this first appeared,
It had too many flaws to be cheered,
But I have to embrace
That the charts still have space
For something just this goddamn weird.

4. Earned It (Fifty Shades of Grey) by The Weeknd

So all of that sweet movie money
Makes something less melting than runny.
And I'd lay it low,
If that darn video
Weren't so unwittingly funny.

5. Sugar by Maroon 5

It's still the same song it was then
From the world's douchiest men.
But now Derulo's got
The same song, come to naught.
So why do we need this again?

6. Love Me Like You Do by Ellie Goulding

Once, Goulding was worthy of praise,
And her EDM would amaze.
But I can't recommend
This latest, dull blend.
Remember "Lights?" Those were good days...

7. Shut Up And Dance by WALK THE MOON

This looked annoying, at a glance,
With MPDGs and romance,
But in spite of my doubt,
Somehow it works out,
And really makes me want to dance.

8. Thinking Out Loud by Ed Sheeran

Last year, Ed Sheeran would wow,
And stood, tall and proud, at the prow.
And yet he wants to prove
He can still lose the groove.
You can stop being so boring now.

9. G.D.F.R. by Flo Rida feat. Sage the Gemini & Lookas

Flo Rida's work's never been strong,
So I won't linger on this too long.
Not one to believe in,
Turns out it's not even
That good as a Flo Rida song.

10. Want to Want Me by Jason Derulo

I thought Derulo took a dive,
But with this song, he's still alive.
I'll put this concisely:
The song sounds precisely
Like "Sugar" by Maroon 5

Hit Song Limericks, Week of 3/14/15

1. Uptown Funk by Mark Ronson feat. Bruno Mars

As rare as the old Golden Fleece
Is a hit whose appeal will increase.
And though not every line
Is one we should enshrine,
The song is a straight masterpiece.


2. Thinking Out Loud by Ed Sheeran



It's one thing if a music star
Makes a hit that's bad and yet bizarre.
But I'll lose my shit
If I hear one more hit
With a dude and his goddamned guitar.


3. Sugar by Maroon 5


I trotted out this one to flout it,
But if I had more to say, I would spout it.
All of that's null.
The song is just dull,
And there's no more to be said about it.


4. Love Me Like You Do by Ellie Goulding


The song's meant to have some allure,
But becomes just a chore to endure,
Though lodged in the sound
They seem to have found
The perfect insomnia cure.


5. FourFiveSeconds by Rihanna & Kanye West & Paul McCartney


Although the song is oddly brief
In its working class angst and relief,
The nice, laid-back chorus
A Beatle made for us
Serves as a pleasant aperitif.


6. Take Me To Church by Hozier


As gloomy as a British fen,
An ironic chorus of amen,
And its lack of cheers
Sets it out from its peers,
So I'm glad it's still in the top ten.


7. Style by Taylor Swift


The song has a charm I'll ascribe
To its driving pseudo-80s vibe.
A pleasant low synth
Puts it up on its plinth,
And makes me happy to imbibe.


8. Blank Space by Taylor Swift



Blank Space is still pleasantly bleak,
With a certain psycho-ex chic,
But loses its heat
In the dull-as-mud beat
That ends up being where it's weak.


9. Earned It (Fifty Shades of Grey) by The Weeknd



Earned It tries to simmer and steam,
But is lacking the requisite gleam.
Though it might be lacking,
The orchestral backing
Does make it sound like a Bond theme.


10. Time Of Our Lives by Pitbull and Ne-Yo



Pitbull has just not got the stuff
To sound either clever or tough.
But though it doesn't stun,
The beat is well done
And the sentiment's pleasant enough.

Hit Song Limericks, Week of 2/14/15

#1 - Uptown Funk by Mark Ronson ft. Bruno Mars


As far as can be from a botch,
Bruno's belt now has a new notch.
The haters can hate,
This song is just great.
You don't believe me? Just watch.

#2 - Thinking Out Loud by Ed Sheeran



He'd improved his musical scoring
Until his songs left spirits soaring.
With all that at hand,
I just don't understand
Why he would want to be this boring.

#3 - Take Me To Church by Hozier



Though for some it might be a yawn,
Any track that sounds like Elton John,
Is sonically rich
And makes shout-outs to Hitch
Will have me not just going, but gone.

#4 - Blank Space by Taylor Swift



The beat isn't sweet to the ears,
But it shows her own foibles and fears.
It isn't upbeat,
Or made for dancing feet,
But it might be her best song in years.

#5 - Sugar by Maroon 5
 

So, Maroon 5's latest endeavor
Turned out neither catchy nor clever.
Neither Adam Levine,
Nor his obnoxious whine
Hold any appeal whatsoever.

#6 - Lips Are Movin by Meghan Trainor



A song that's retro 50s slick,
With more rapping from a white chick.
Well, to be direct,
One must start to suspect
That this pony knows only one trick.

#7 - I'm Not The Only One by Sam Smith



Some retro soul stylings run through it,
But no pizzazz comes to renew it.
And with the reprise,
You come to realize
There really is not much else to it.

#8 - Jealous by Nick Jonas
 

From bright-eyed Disney Channel blusher
To wannabe R&B gusher,
It does start to cloy
To hear some white boy
Trying quite so hard to be Usher.

#9 - Blank Space by Taylor Swift


A few lightyears from self-aware,
TSwift trashes haters with flair,
And it's entertaining
Just how hard she's straining
To convince us that she doesn't care.

#10 - Centuries by Fall Out Boy
 

Though they're far above merely moronic,
Fall Out Boy's problems seem to be chronic.
Here they try to expand
The range of the band,
But it's overblown and histrionic.

Pop Song Limericks 8/17/2012

Some poetry this week, a series of limericks about the current top ten songs on the Billboard Hot 100. Why? Who knows...

1. Whistle by Flo Rida

As subtle as sci-fi Jane Fonda,

Flo’s song has still proved a golconda.

And although it’s not earned,

It’s still nice that he’s learned

The art of the single entendre.

2. Lights by Ellie Goulding

A song without deafening drumming,

But that still leaves the listener humming?

Oh, never before

Has this yank been more

Glad to say, “the British are coming!”

3. Call Me Maybe by Carly Rae Jepsen

It’s had more than its share of success,

And yet stays in the charts nonetheless.

But you’ll find nothing’s there

But a wisp of hot air,

It seems we’re not hard to impress.

4. Wide Awake by Katy Perry

Though once she had hits in her hat,

These days it just tends to fall flat.

You could bear the buffoon

With a hummable tune,

Now she doesn’t even have that.

5. Payphone by Maroon 5 ft. Wiz Khalifa

Now, “Payphone,” inept as it is,

Has more whining than all of Les Mis,

And it all goes to pot

When we reach the guest spot,

An incongruous rap verse from Wiz.

6. Somebody That I Used To Know by Gotye ft. Kimbra

In springtime it won all our hearts

With its mix of emotion and smarts.

It got played too much,

But it’s still great, as such

I’m happy it stays in the charts

7. Titanium by David Guetta ft. Sia

With music so thoroughly canned,

No surprise that it’s by Guetta’s hand.

But I’ll say this for it:

It’s been months since a hit

Has been quite so terribly bland.

8. Some Nights by fun.

Some thought fun.’s first hit was a gem,

But it was less flower than stem.

“Some Nights” is well-sung,

But unlike “We Are Young,”

This one sounds much more like them.

9. Home by Phillip Phillips

Now it’s been used as a theme

For the U.S.A. gymnastics team.

So the song’s won the day,

But the huge overplay

May dash Phillips’ Olympic dream.

10. Where Have You Been by Rihanna

Though in the past she’s been admired,

This hit leaves much to be desired.

Thing is, it’s no fun,

And you ask what they’ve done

To make her sound so uninspired.