Hit Song Limericks, Week of 9/12/15

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1. Can't Feel My Face by The Weeknd


The drug metaphor this works through
Is not fundamentally new.
But while it never thrills,
Between this and The Hills,
It's by far the better of the two.

2. Cheerleader by OMI

I still like this nice, mellow brew.
Beyond that, not much I can do.
It doesn't fall short.
For a fuller report,
Please refer to my prior review.

3. Watch Me by Silento
Its greed is but lightly disguised,
But it's still to slight to be despised.
Suffice it to say,
The song's a replay,
And the dances are all plagiarized.

4. The Hills by The Weeknd


A tone of dark menace is courted,
But all its attempts are still thwarted.
It's dreary and gray,
And at the end of day,
The vocals are just too distorted.

5. Lean On by Major Lazer & DJ Snake feat. M0


Though there's quality - that's understood - 
It repeats itself more than it should.
To which some will say
It's intended that way,
But that doesn't make the song good.

6. Good For You by Selena Gomez feat. A$AP Rocky



The original wasn't that great,
And that looks unlikely to abate,
All they did was inject
A crackle sound effect
And a rapper who's firmly third rate.

7. 679 by Fetty Wap feat. Remy Boyz



Another song that takes a frolic,
Hedonistic and alcoholic.
I don't know what to say,
The song's not worth a play,
And the video's weirdly shambolic.

8. Locked Away by R. City feat. Adam Levine

R. City now hopes to endear
Themselves to our collective ear.
But here is my thing:
It's quite clear they can sing,
So why is Levine even here?

9. Trap Queen by Fetty Wap



I don't know how this could contrive
To get here, then go on to thrive.
It's weird as a hit
When the one catchy bit
Is the hook he can't even sing live.

10. Fight Song by Rachel Platten

The older songs from which this pours
Were almost universally bores.
Though it's got good intent,
It's a tired sentiment
With deeply uninspired metaphors.

Hit Song Limericks, Week of 7/11/15

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1. See You Again by Wiz Khalifa feat. Charlie Puth

While I no longer find this one fun,
I'm glad that it's had a good run.
It's sweet and it's mild,
And behind "Young & Wild,"
It's the best thing Wiz has ever done.

2. Bad Blood by Taylor Swift feat. Kendrick Lamar

T. Swift is fine, as a rule,
But this is the dregs of that pool.
I think you can tell
It wouldn't do as well
If the video weren't so cool.

3. Cheerleader by OMI

It's a slightly clumsy metaphor,
But there's so much that I still adore.
With no beats to thump it,
Just a roving trumpet
To keep the thing sweet at its core.

4. Trap Queen by Fetty Wap

Fetty has much cause to rejoice,
As the people's unanimous choice.
Not bad for a guy
With weird tones and one eye
Who sings in Kevin Rowland's voice.

5. Shut Up And Dance by WALK THE MOON


Before, this song's jubilant shout
Would outweigh my niggling doubt,
But since many a day
Of intense overplay,
Its welcome is getting worn out.

6. Can't Feel My Face by The Weeknd


His last had orchestral pretense,
Of which this is glad to dispense.
Which can work a treat,
Though the central conceit
Just doesn't make a lick of damn sense.

7. Watch Me by Silento


There's nothing especially wrong,
And yet any listen's too long.
It's just a big blend
Of prior dance trends,
And, as such, is just barely a song.

8. Uptown Funk! by Mark Ronson feat. Bruno Mars

Next time I do this, it'll be gone,
But I'm very glad that it held on.
The cream rarely rises,
When someone devises
A track that's this carefully drawn.

9. Good For You by Selena Gomez


This song is what you would engender
Mixing Goulding and Lorde in a blender.
Too bland for romancing.
Too quiet for dancing,
Too overproduced to be tender.

10. Hey Mama by David Guetta feat. Nicki Minaj, Bebe Rexha, & Afrojack

It's hardly a new record-setta',
But it's still churlish to expect betta'.
Its Caribbean beat's
Such a genuine treat,
I can scarcely believe that it's Guetta.

Hit Song Limericks, Week of 5/9/15

1. See You Again by Wiz Khalifa feat. Charlie Puth

Wiz never was good at grooving,
And though he showed signs of improving,
I wasn't prepared
To realize there'd
Be a Wiz song that's actually moving.

2. Uptown Funk! by Mark Ronson feat. Bruno Mars

What more really need be said?
Is this ground that I need to retread?
Uptown Funk is great,
And I appreciate
That even now, it stays ahead.

3. Trap Queen by Fetty Wap

When on the charts this first appeared,
It had too many flaws to be cheered,
But I have to embrace
That the charts still have space
For something just this goddamn weird.

4. Earned It (Fifty Shades of Grey) by The Weeknd

So all of that sweet movie money
Makes something less melting than runny.
And I'd lay it low,
If that darn video
Weren't so unwittingly funny.

5. Sugar by Maroon 5

It's still the same song it was then
From the world's douchiest men.
But now Derulo's got
The same song, come to naught.
So why do we need this again?

6. Love Me Like You Do by Ellie Goulding

Once, Goulding was worthy of praise,
And her EDM would amaze.
But I can't recommend
This latest, dull blend.
Remember "Lights?" Those were good days...

7. Shut Up And Dance by WALK THE MOON

This looked annoying, at a glance,
With MPDGs and romance,
But in spite of my doubt,
Somehow it works out,
And really makes me want to dance.

8. Thinking Out Loud by Ed Sheeran

Last year, Ed Sheeran would wow,
And stood, tall and proud, at the prow.
And yet he wants to prove
He can still lose the groove.
You can stop being so boring now.

9. G.D.F.R. by Flo Rida feat. Sage the Gemini & Lookas

Flo Rida's work's never been strong,
So I won't linger on this too long.
Not one to believe in,
Turns out it's not even
That good as a Flo Rida song.

10. Want to Want Me by Jason Derulo

I thought Derulo took a dive,
But with this song, he's still alive.
I'll put this concisely:
The song sounds precisely
Like "Sugar" by Maroon 5