Hit Song Limericks, Week of 5/9/15

1. See You Again by Wiz Khalifa feat. Charlie Puth

Wiz never was good at grooving,
And though he showed signs of improving,
I wasn't prepared
To realize there'd
Be a Wiz song that's actually moving.

2. Uptown Funk! by Mark Ronson feat. Bruno Mars

What more really need be said?
Is this ground that I need to retread?
Uptown Funk is great,
And I appreciate
That even now, it stays ahead.

3. Trap Queen by Fetty Wap

When on the charts this first appeared,
It had too many flaws to be cheered,
But I have to embrace
That the charts still have space
For something just this goddamn weird.

4. Earned It (Fifty Shades of Grey) by The Weeknd

So all of that sweet movie money
Makes something less melting than runny.
And I'd lay it low,
If that darn video
Weren't so unwittingly funny.

5. Sugar by Maroon 5

It's still the same song it was then
From the world's douchiest men.
But now Derulo's got
The same song, come to naught.
So why do we need this again?

6. Love Me Like You Do by Ellie Goulding

Once, Goulding was worthy of praise,
And her EDM would amaze.
But I can't recommend
This latest, dull blend.
Remember "Lights?" Those were good days...

7. Shut Up And Dance by WALK THE MOON

This looked annoying, at a glance,
With MPDGs and romance,
But in spite of my doubt,
Somehow it works out,
And really makes me want to dance.

8. Thinking Out Loud by Ed Sheeran

Last year, Ed Sheeran would wow,
And stood, tall and proud, at the prow.
And yet he wants to prove
He can still lose the groove.
You can stop being so boring now.

9. G.D.F.R. by Flo Rida feat. Sage the Gemini & Lookas

Flo Rida's work's never been strong,
So I won't linger on this too long.
Not one to believe in,
Turns out it's not even
That good as a Flo Rida song.

10. Want to Want Me by Jason Derulo

I thought Derulo took a dive,
But with this song, he's still alive.
I'll put this concisely:
The song sounds precisely
Like "Sugar" by Maroon 5

Hit Song Limericks, Week of 2/14/15

#1 - Uptown Funk by Mark Ronson ft. Bruno Mars


As far as can be from a botch,
Bruno's belt now has a new notch.
The haters can hate,
This song is just great.
You don't believe me? Just watch.

#2 - Thinking Out Loud by Ed Sheeran



He'd improved his musical scoring
Until his songs left spirits soaring.
With all that at hand,
I just don't understand
Why he would want to be this boring.

#3 - Take Me To Church by Hozier



Though for some it might be a yawn,
Any track that sounds like Elton John,
Is sonically rich
And makes shout-outs to Hitch
Will have me not just going, but gone.

#4 - Blank Space by Taylor Swift



The beat isn't sweet to the ears,
But it shows her own foibles and fears.
It isn't upbeat,
Or made for dancing feet,
But it might be her best song in years.

#5 - Sugar by Maroon 5
 

So, Maroon 5's latest endeavor
Turned out neither catchy nor clever.
Neither Adam Levine,
Nor his obnoxious whine
Hold any appeal whatsoever.

#6 - Lips Are Movin by Meghan Trainor



A song that's retro 50s slick,
With more rapping from a white chick.
Well, to be direct,
One must start to suspect
That this pony knows only one trick.

#7 - I'm Not The Only One by Sam Smith



Some retro soul stylings run through it,
But no pizzazz comes to renew it.
And with the reprise,
You come to realize
There really is not much else to it.

#8 - Jealous by Nick Jonas
 

From bright-eyed Disney Channel blusher
To wannabe R&B gusher,
It does start to cloy
To hear some white boy
Trying quite so hard to be Usher.

#9 - Blank Space by Taylor Swift


A few lightyears from self-aware,
TSwift trashes haters with flair,
And it's entertaining
Just how hard she's straining
To convince us that she doesn't care.

#10 - Centuries by Fall Out Boy
 

Though they're far above merely moronic,
Fall Out Boy's problems seem to be chronic.
Here they try to expand
The range of the band,
But it's overblown and histrionic.